Bring On 2009!

So many people seem to have New Year’s resolutions to blog more. I’m not going to do that. I want to start writing again but I’m not going to officially resolve to do it. If I do that I’m likely to disappoint myself and others. Not to mention, as soon as something feels like an obligation, no matter how much I usually enjoy it, I start feeling intense ambivalence and deliberately avoid doing it at all. For years my resolutions were extremely easy and non-specific. They also usually followed with things I was going to do anyway so there was little chance of failure. I figured, why feel bad about myself for the things I didn’t do, why not congratulate myself on every little thing I actually did, no matter how easy or inconsequential. One year I resolved to have more fun. I think that was also the year I resolved to call people back more often. Another year I resolved to go back to school for a Master’s degree (I had already applied). The next year I resolved to finish my Master’s (I was half done at that point anyway). I used to also think not about goals so much as themes for each new year. 2003 was all about fun. 2004 was about exploring new places. Then, 2007 rolled around and someone gave me a very hard time for not pushing myself enough and having pathetic resolutions. I was told I should have goals — to not have goals is lazy. The thing about me though is I already push myself more than enough. Easy resolutions were a way of giving myself a break. But being the pushover that I am, I took the criticisms to heart, made myself a long list of difficult resolutions grouped around a common theme, and succeeded in all of them. Although it felt good and I was proud of my accomplishments, I don’t know how necessary the relentless drive to self-improvement was. Some of my daily habits improved permanently — some of the things I resolved to do two years ago I now do without even thinking about it. But again, I’m a pretty goal-driven person to begin with and I could probably use a break more than anything. I would like to enjoy life and be satisfied with myself rather than constantly trying to improve. But I still made myself a list of goals for 2009 and we’ll see how it goes. It’s a very short list of things I meant to do anyway so hopefully it doesn’t end in me beating myself up over my failures. It ranges from fun (playing guitar again) to not so fun (paying down debt) to some combination of the two (writing a draft of my dissertation). 2008 was the year of taking my life back and finding some happiness. I don’t know what 2009 will be, but I’m looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.