What to do, what to do…

Last week, on Valentine’s Day, I went to see Hayden. He’s a great musician — one of those on-his-own-with-a-guitar-and-a-harmonica kinds of guys — and he played the Alix Goolden Hall in Victoria, which is a converted church. The show was fantastic of course but for some reason it left me with an unexpected feeling. As I was sitting there, listening, taking in the stained glass windows, I became overwhelmed with the desire to make something. My life has always been achievement-oriented. My career path has always been set. And now that I’m closer to making that all happen I’m having moments of doubt. I’m not traumatized by them or anything like that — in a strange way I’m rather enjoying entertaining the possibilities. I keep thinking, I wish I could make music or paint. I think I’d even be satisfied with doing something crafty like knitting or scrapbooking or something. Or even just growing a garden. As long as there was a product at the end of it all. Something that I had made with my own hands and that expressed something of what is inside. I mean, I guess I’m producing stuff all the time in the world of academia, but it’s just not that satisfying right now. The reading is still pretty satisfying — but I’d rather be making something out of it that is entirely different. And it would be nice if it wasn’t all about getting somewhere but rather about enjoying the material I’m working with, which is the reason I went into English in the first place. And the blog is, well, somehow not satisfying either. I’d like to do something more with it, I just don’t know exactly what yet. I guess writing regularly would be a good start.